Never in my life did I expect to write such an article, although I am well aware of the dangers and difficulties facing journalists in Iraq.
Islamist parties and armed groups have targeted columnists and reporters for criticising them for the threat they pose to civilians, and exposing how they excercise control through force and breaking the law.
My kidnapping - which received a great deal of media attention - took place after I received many death threats. I was being stalked by anonymous sources on social media, and there were articles against me accusing me of being a spy and a traitor and all sorts of other false accusations. Most of this was due to the fact that I was working with Al Sharq Al Awsat, a Saudi-funded newspaper opposed by Islamist parties in Iraq.
The threats against me intensified after the newspaper published an article, bearing my name, about the spread of black flags in Baghdad. These flags are normally used to declare the names the armed groups and militias in Iraq. At the time, the Iraqi government was trying to control the spread of weapons and militias, but those groups were larger than the government’s ability to counter them.
I ignored the accusations and continued my work. My friends told me this campaign was just a storm of words that will come to an end. But the campaign against me did not end. It became even more intensive and spread to the Ministry of Culture, where I was working. Investigative committees were set up, looking for ways to strip me of my position
I felt that everything had ended. I began to recite verses from the Quran and pray for God’s forgiveness. I was waiting to be killed at any moment.
The most violent chapter of threats
Things came to a head in December 2016, when I was accused of publishing another report in the same newspaper that ridiculed religious ceremonies. There was no name on the article and although I refuted allegations that I was the author, via my Facebook page, posts appeared on social media accusing me of being a traitor and insulting the martyrs and calling for my death.
At 10 pm on 26th of December, armed masked men broke into my home. They were dressed in civilian clothes, and although I refused to open the door at first they seized me by force. I tried to scream but they gagged me and locked the rest of my family in a room. They aimed their weapons at my waist, made me wear a blindfold and took me outside where cars were waiting for them.
When the cars took off, I felt that everything had ended. I began to recite verses from the Quran and pray for God’s forgiveness. I was waiting to be killed at any moment. The cars stopped after 45 minutes and they took me out while I was still tied up and blindfolded. They put me in a cell and then removed the blindfold. I couldn’t see any of them as they ordered me to face the wall. Then, they shut the iron door of my cell and left.
The interrogation and torture
I was shaking with fear and my heart was beating like a canon. I almost went mad; where am I? who are they? what will they do to me? will they kill me, and how? will I be raped? do I beg them? how are my children now?
They interrogated me for hours. They asked about my articles and the sources who were allegedly funding me. They accused me of being an agent and a traitor. They had a file of all my posts on Facebook. I tried to defend myself, but their questions came off as indictments that I could not escape.
They treated me violently. I was hung from the ceiling with metal chains. They bound my hands and beat me several times. I could not tell night from day because my cell had no windows. I begged them but they forced me to confess to crimes i did not commit - that I betrayed my country and published false news for the benefit of third parties.
The kidnappers continued to harass me even after my release. Finally, I decided to follow my friends’ advice and leave my country to protect myself and my children from further assaults.
My release
I was held up for nine days. In the last days, They treated me more gently and hinted at my imminent release, but in exchange for many conditions. They wanted me to remain silent and not disclose anything that happened during the interrogation. When I was finally released and returned to my family, I could not believe that I actually survived death. When I returned home, I learned about the media campaign that called for my release. I was happy with the level of popular support, and the support I received from friends who continued to visit me for a month. I did not make any statements to the media about what happened to me because I was worried that my family and children would be harassed by the kidnappers.
When I returned home, my sister told me about the support she received from several of organisations who contacted her daily, especially The Marie Colvin Journalist’s Network which I had joined in 2016. The network contacted my sister every day for an update and gave her advice from security experts, especially on how to deal with the media and anyone claiming to be connected to the kidnappers.
The kidnappers continued to harass me even after my release. Finally, I decided to follow my friends’ advice and leave my country to protect myself and my children from further assaults.
The Marie Colvin Journalists’ Network kept communicating with me after my release, and they contributed to my emergency needs by introducing me to The Rory Peck Trust, who provided me with financial assistance to cover the costs of travel and temporary residence in Paris. In addition to that, there was the emotional support which has cemented my trust in such organisations.
My new circumstances and my new work is another long story, but I can say that I will not stop working to expose corrupt elements in my country. What happened to me has given me an added incentive to continue to work in journalism, and I still have a lot to achieve. I would like to thank all those who supported me and my colleague and kind friend Dima Hamdan, who was the closest to me in my ordeal. Thank you for letting me be among you and close to you, my dear friends, in this dangerous and exhausting profession.
